THE BIG CHOP
Less than a week ago I cut my locs, I thought I was going crazy and having an early midlife crisis the first time I thought about it lol. In all actuality it was my spirit telling me to let go because I’ve changed so much over the last three years. Just as many black girls, I’ve felt the need to hold on to my hair in hopes that it will one day reach the middle of my back, and eventually the back of my thighs and one day even my feet. Three years ago after a bad break up I decided to loc my hair, he wasn’t the sole reason because I always wanted them, but the break up definitely sped up the process. I felt like a new woman with my little locs, locs that would be with me through crazy days soon to come. My hair carried so much of my journey, and although most people keep it for that very reason, I think for me it was necessary to let it go. I was tired of carrying that weight, carrying the old me and it’s baggage. I needed to be free of it all. The last couple of weeks have been nothing but transformation, the only thing left from the old me, was my hair. Change needed to happen in every aspect of my life, but I kept holding on. Holding on to my hair was much more than just about physical appearance, it was me holding onto that girl with countless problems. I was also one to need confirmation from others before making a move, I find no problem with needing advice but some decisions should never be left in another’s hands. I never asked anyone should I cut my hair, but I did tell a handful of friends that it was happening, which I regret a little. The plan was to have a close friend of mine who’s a photographer come over and do a video, she would edit it and make it a huge deal. A few days later I decided that this was a journey I had to take alone, with no eyes watching and no warning to anyone. I came home and got comfortable, got the scissors out the kitchen and started cutting. I did record to maybe edit and post one day, but I sat at my table and watched myself transform, it was so unreal. I do not regret it one bit, I feel free and can finally breathe.
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